Feeling Suicidal Over Gambling

I feel so sick and stupid. I'm 21 and started out matched betting with my student loan. Once I saw the money coming in I continued betting normally. I kept winning and I just saw £ signs. The amounts kept getting higher and higher, until I lost £700. I used the rest of my money (£1000) to try and win it back, and ended up losing everything. I now have only £300 to my name and no income. For example, feeling depressed, down or alone can place people at risk of developing or increasing their gambling problem: People may use gambling as a break or escape from negative feelings or situations; Gambling may provide a 'pick me up' or a sense of feeling connected to other people. Dealing with gambling and depression. They are only feeling good when gambling and contacts with other people are not interesting any more. It also leads to arguments with friends, relatives, and partners, resulting in separation, divorce, or termination of friendships. One of the reasons for such behavior is shame and gambling-related debts. Suicidal Thoughts.

Study looks at suicide and gaming Researchers find five or more hours of daily gaming/web use tied to prolonged sadness, suicide attempts among teens; two hours or less sees decreases on both fronts. Excessive gambling can lead to depression, anxiety, aggression, increased suicide risk, relationship issues and stress-related illnesses. Gambling also increases stress levels (via the stress hormone cortisol) and your heart rate, which can lead to health risks.

Suicide seemed like the only way out from gambling addiction

Lost in my Gambling Addiction
Tammy P

November 12, 2012
I awoke in the hospital and l remembering looking over and seeing my son. I thought I was dead, because I had not seen him in over three months yet we live less than five miles from each other. Earlier that week all my lies had finally caught up with me. I hated myself and no longer wanted to live. I have only one child and had no relationship with him due to my gambling addiction. If I didn’t have him, I though, I have nothing. My gambling addiction was so out of control that I would look in the mirror and not even recognize myself. I was on high blood pressure medications because my blood pressure was so high due to the stress. I was lying, cheating stealing, whatever I could do to get the money to go and gamble and it was all coming to an end. I could not take the pressure of my actions. I had been found out by friends. My shame was so great. I needed an escape and I thought dying was the best solution.

I came home from my counseling appointment that day and decided I couldn’t do this anymore. I had no control over my gambling addiction. I wrote letters to my son and a few friends apologizing for my actions over the past few years. I remember thinking my son deserved a better mother than me. I thought he had a great wife and two beautiful children and he would be all right without me. I had hurt so many people in my life, some that do not even know yet about my addiction. I remember thinking before I closed my eyes on that day, after taking 110 pills that I was scared and I didn’t want to die. I thought it was too late. I had taken all those pills and I was going to die. I didn’t even get to tell my son I loved him, only through a letter. Well as I closed my eyes I felt I was finally going to get some peace, something I had not had in my life in a long time.

I looked over and there was my son, I had died. I had to be heaven since that would be the only way I would ever see him again. I fell back to sleep and woke a day later. When I finally awoke the doctor asked me what day it was and I didn’t know. I could tell I was in a hospital but not which hospital. I knew I had survived. I do not know how, but I did. There is a reason why God let me live. To tell my story.

After coming home from the hospital and resting for a few days. I decided I was going to take recovery seriously this time. I was going to fight this disease with everything I had in me. I was going to reach out to the people out there who could help me, like my GA members, friends who would understand, and my son.

Feeling Suicidal After Gambling